That used to be a lethal insult.
“What a punk-ass little bitch!”
Not anymore.
We’ve all got more little bitch in us than we would like to admit.
More on that in a minute, but first, let me share a story with you.
In my 20s, when I was in the Army, I would have mild (and occasionally more severe) attacks of envy.
One common example of a mild attack was for cars. I wasn’t really a car guy, but when I would see a young guy with a really nice car, part of me would say “How the Hell did he afford that? He’s working the same job I am .” (The U.S. Army Infantry at that time). I saw a few guys like this, and though it was minor, it did bug me a little bit.
The severe attacks I experienced much more frequently involved karate. If someone was significantly better than me and ten years older than me, or older, I would assume their higher skill level was due to decades of practice, and I would get there eventually. When I saw someone who was closer to my age who was clearly better than me, I would hate them like it was my job:
“You filthy son of a bitch. How the Hell did you get that good?”
I would usually notice my inner fury and attempt to turn my thoughts elsewhere. There were a few times, however, that I just sat there seething.
Fortunately, if I spoke with these higher level students long enough, they were usually solid enough people that I couldn’t keep hating them. Gradually I would accept that they were just better than me at karate. And thus, the first little hints of humility began to show up for me.
More on this in a moment… back to the beginning: how do we heal our inner little bitch?
Just admit it.
Accept that it’s there.
It’s you. It’s me. It’s all of us.
Now that you’ve got a little honesty going with yourself… it’s not so bad.
From this place, how do you begin to become more successful? Now that you’ve climbed up to zero (self-honesty)… how do you get into the positives?
Two methods:
1- Be willing to put in the effort
2- Be willing to accept the upsides and downsides in everything.
Put In The Effort
In the Enchiridion, chapter 25, Epictetus writes: Do not expect to equal anyone in effect without putting forth a similar effort.
There is such a thing as genetics and environment. These undeniably have an effect on everything. But there is no profit in complaining about them. And you don’t have a remote clue just how far you can go without really pouring yourself into the practice. After a few months of sincere practice, you might discover you are genetically gifted as well… at least according to the haters that are still avoiding humility and effort at all costs.
For example, If I wanted to be better at karate, I could have trained harder/more frequently. If I really wanted to get better, I could have asked these advanced students about their training regimen, and possibly diet, exercise, sleep and any other useful details I could think of.
You want to be successful like Master X? Start by doing some of what Master X did.
If you show up consistently and pay attention you will discover a more and more shocking array of ways to get a little bit better every day.
Upsides and Downsides
Every situation in life has benefits and drawbacks. Upsides and downsides.
“There are no solutions. There are only trade-offs.” -Thomas Sowell
For example, to speak very broadly, you could…
Stay Where You Are:
Upside – Already more comfortable with this than you would be with anything else. No new friction.
Downside – Lack of growth. Lack of fun. Lack of satisfaction.
Or you could…
Take Humble Steps Forward:
Upside – Only way of consistent, effective, movement forward. Profound satisfaction over time… enjoyment of current situation with continuous curiosity pulling you forward.
Downside – Lack of ease. More effort necessary to balance different areas of life. More effort required to balance work and rest.
Whatever you choose, however great it may seem, there will always be trade-offs. All you can do is pay attention and attempt to get the best trade-offs possible.
Epictetus writes: “Everything has its price. How much does lettuce cost? If you are unwilling to pay a dollar for lettuce, yet you envy the man who has a bagful of lettuce because he paid five dollars, you are a fool. Do not imagine he has gained an advantage over you – he has his lettuce, you have your coins.”
I found out the many of the car guys in the Army were spending their entire check on their car. They would stay in the barracks (free). They would eat in the chow hall (free for soldiers living in the barracks). And they would play with their car. That’s all they had.
I don’t want to say my life was amazing back then, but there was more to it than my car.
These guys had made their sacrifice. There was no reason for me to envy their result. If it was worth the envy, then it should have been worth the sacrifice.
With karate, and to a lesser extent with cars, I was acting like a little bitch. I didn’t always know outright what I could have done better, but I always suspected. But the cheap payoff of anger, resentment, and envy were more attractive than the work of forging my own world.
In one sense, the world I forged exists within the external world, which may be cruel, unfair, stupid… and most of all annoying.
But in another sense, that world only exists within the world I forged. And though it can still be annoying, it is only a small part of what I can pay attention to. And the less I pay attention to it, the less annoying it is.
What does this all lead to?
First, pay attention.
Then, make your choice.
Finally, enjoy the consequences… good and bad.
These are the first steps to a whole new world.
Keep your sword sharp, Stoic…
Ben
