Author: Ben

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Takeaways from Day 1 of the Time To Rise Summit

Tony is brilliant, so the event was brilliant.  That’s no surprise.

Intense.  High Energy.  Fun.

My biggest takeaway?

I was reminded of a time late last year when I was reading Robert Greene’s Daily Laws.

He starts with a quote from Nietzsche:

My formula for greatness in a human being is amor fati:  that one wants nothing to be other than it is, not in the future, not in the past, not in all eternity.  Not merely to endure that which happens of necessity… but to love it.


Greene suggests we learn to appreciate calamity and seeming disasters… because this makes us stronger.

We can welcome the challenges and discomfort that come up in life (or welcome the strength we gain from them), but we can also proactively face some discomfort so that we are constantly building this strength of character.

At the event today, this came up in at least two ways:

First, there was the suggestion to challenge yourself physically on a regular (preferably daily) basis.

Examples:

  • Cold plunges
  • Pushing yourself to the edge in exercise

Second, whatever is the most important step (toward your major goal) that you least want to do… do that first.

If you pick the worst and do it first, everything gets easier after that by comparison.

And over time, it becomes one of the most powerful habits you can have.

What’s it like when you pick up a simple daily practice that eventually

makes you unstoppable?

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The Secret of Burning Desire…

Back in the esrly 2000s, I always felt sad reading Napoleon Hill.

I wanted success.

I just didn’t want it enough to call it a burning desire.

I tried wanting it more… but that didn’t seem to work.

I tried coming up with more reasons why… but that only changed it a little.

I tried coming up with more audacious goals (why make millions when I could make trillions)… but the bigger they got, the more distant and unlikely they seemed.

Why Make Millions When I Can Make Trillions…

Karate sort of answered the question for me.

I spent years reading books about martial arts… and watching kung fu flicks.

Then I spent years looking for a good martial arts school in northwest Florida. All told, I visited over 20 different schools. 

In most cases, the style didn’t look like something I wanted to learn. In some cases, I couldn’t imagine training with the instructor.

Any time I found a place I really liked (two, that I can remember), it was too far away to train regularly (60 minutes in one case and 90 minutes in the other).

Then I moved to Colorado Springs.

And as luck would have it… the third school I walked into was the one I trained at for the next 7 years.

It was a special time in my life.

I was doing something I loved, and I was doing it for me. It was frequently painful… but it was the kind of pain that lights up your eyes.

…but it was the kind of pain that lights up your eyes

At first, I mostly went in twice a week.

Over time I started showing up as often as I could… three to five times a week, and sometimes multiple times per day.

In 2005, I earned my Black Belt in Coppock’s Kenpo Karate.

Where did I get the Burning Desire?

I don’t have a complete answer, but I have an important piece.

Gradual persistence.

I kept coming back.

And I continued to invest more over time.

Too much too fast, and I quit.

But the implementation of my karate obsession was gradual.

I also had fun on the path.  I really enjoyed training in kenpo.  Even before that… I enjoyed checking out new martial arts schools.

There was also a strong community.  I really liked my fellow students.

And possibly more important… I found a great instructor.

You don’t have to have all of these to discover your burning desire… but if you don’t have any of them… you’re gonna have a Hell of a time.

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Why You Are A Stranger To Yourself


As Jim Morrison sang: “People are strange, when you’re a stranger.”

And we’re all strange. We’re almost all strangers to ourselves.

But why?

Because we don’t know what we really want… because it’s safer to want what others think they want than to take a chance on really discovering yourself.

The doorman from Fight Club said: “If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t.”

But if you are willing to explore your heart’s desire… the benefits are many.

First… when you succeed, the satisfaction will be profound and lasting. The next raise, the next toy, and the next personal best in the gym all ring hollow if they aren’t related to your mission.

But when your goals and breakthroughs are tied to something special to you… when you feel all of them filled with meaning… the journey is amazing, the destination is amazing, and you’re excited to discover what comes next.

Second… one of the most powerful gravity switches is having meaningful goals.

When you discover what you really want, and why you really want it, you take a step away from the herd.

You stand out.

You build gravity.

The ones who actually follow their heart (easy to talk about, not easy to do) become leaders… intentionally or otherwise.

So here’s to your leadership.

Here’s to your meaningful mission

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How To Fight The Epidemic Of Creepiness…

Young men get a bad rap for being creepy.

It’s true of course.

But it misses the point.

We’re all pretty damn creepy.

Including the women accusing men of it.

What is creepy?

We’ll answer that in a sec.

In 2008, I was at a bar with a friend. We were out on the patio, and we were out of smokes. We saw a girl smoking, and asked her if we could bum a cigarette. She gave us a smoke, then gave us a look, and walked away as if she was avoiding lepers. I was a bit drunk, and now we had a cigarette… so we enjoyed the smoke and I didn’t think about it for the rest of the night.

But the next day, it bugged me.

I was trying to figure out what disgusted her so much. I still can’t be sure. But I know why I was mulling it over. I felt like crap. Why did I put myself in that position? Either cigarettes were important, and I should bring enough… or they weren’t important, and I shouldn’t be begging for them.

When you know you could have done better but you didn’t, you feel like trash.

When other people are involved, it will feel worse.

And no matter how weak and creepy they are… they will look down on you for it.

Creepiness is neediness.

Creepiness is weakness.

Creepiness is knowing you could have handled business, but you didn’t.

When you sense it in yourself… they will sense it in you as well.

Ideally, you get to the point where you don’t need anyone. You can still enjoy them… but you don’t need them.

This is an ideal I don’t expect any of us to reach. But each step you take in that direction makes you a little stronger.

Spend some time thinking about where you’re needy… and how you can begin to let that go.

Do this, and you will begin to put an end to the creepiness in your life.