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When you sense it in yourself… they will sense it in you as well.

Ideally, you get to the point where you don’t need anyone. You can still enjoy them… but you don’t need them.

This is an ideal I don’t expect any of us to reach. But each step you take in that direction makes you a little stronger.

Spend some time thinking about where you’re needy… and how you can begin to let that go.

Do this, and you will begin to put an end to the creepiness in your life.

The post How To Fight The Epidemic Of Creepiness… appeared first on BenLangley.com.

New Year’s Resolutions are like goal setting baked right into our culture… obviously a good thing, right?  But according to the mighty Google, “On average, 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by the second week of February.”  Perhaps a good idea with poor execution?  And if that’s the case, how do we improve the execution?  How do we get the ‘New You’ to stick?

Years back I did a series of videos called New Year’s Real Solutions.  The ‘clever’ wordplay is fun (for me at least), but it isn’t the magic that makes this work.  Learning to see this in a new way is the magic that changes everything.  That can start with a different description.  Realize that what you are about to do isn’t what you’ve done before (no matter how many times you think you’ve done this, before).  When you begin to understand that every time you come back it’s a little bit different, you start to realize that as long as you pay attention… it’s always new!

The next step is to take the time to get clear on where you want to go, and how you will get started.  The easiest way to do this is to begin with SMART Goals:  Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound.  If you’re not familiar, or need a refresher, here’s an article on them:  www.Toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2022/aug/smart-goals.

I would guess that most people have been exposed to SMART goals in some area of their life.  But most people still don’t put this level of thought and effort into their stated goals (which is why they don’t get clear, and usually don’t get started).  And even those that use SMART goals, rarely come back to them consistently.  How do we make better use of the tools we already have?

Here are some tips to do just that:

1. Keep in mind this is play.  It’s exploration.  It’s discovery.  It’s fun.  Remember this attitude and you’ll quickly see and feel yourself building more and more positive momentum toward your goal.
2. Pick 5 to 10 big but not unreasonable goals for the coming year.  Write them all down.
3. Pick the most important 1 (usually the most meaningful goal for you, or the goal which will have the most impact in your life), and run it through the SMART process.
4. Work out some daily habits that will make your goal almost unavoidable.  Start practicing one of them daily.  Get a friend for accountability.
5. Write the goal and/or about the goal every day.  A sentence or two is fine.  Keep getting clearer on what your life looks like after you have achieved your goal.  At first, all this can take place inside 5 minutes a day.  Once you develop momentum, it will start taking longer, but at that point, you’ll be having fun.  You’ll be excited to squeeze in a little more time to make your goal into reality.

I remember hearing about this sort of stuff when I was younger.  Then I would think “I’m not doing all that junk!”  Back then, I wanted goal setting, affirmations, success meditations, etc. to be the magic bullet that saved me from having to do work.  What I’ve realized is that all these techniques are just methods of getting you more curious about and committed to your goal.  Once you’re truly curious and committed, the techniques don’t matter nearly as much.  You feel the fun momentum of “I’ve got to figure this out.”  At that point your goal has become almost unavoidable. 

The real question comes down to this.  Do you really have a goal?  Do you really want it?  One lifetime doesn’t last long enough for a person to do, have, and be everything.  But there’s always time for the most important things.

So pick what’s most important for you… Your own Real Solution… and make it happen this year!

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The more you can focus in on your speech and your audience… the more brilliant a speaker
you will be.

But how can you relax quickly and easily before you speak?
The long-term answer is a consistent practice of systematic relaxation.

The quick answer is the brain sandwich.
What’s a brain sandwich?
Glad you asked! Here’s a picture.
Where Members master their communication, public speaking, and leadership skills…

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As you hold one palm over the forehead, and the other palm on the occipital plate, close your eyes and take three deep
(deep into the diaphragm, not deep as in ‘big’), slow breaths. Where you notice tension or stress, let go of trying to fight
it or resist it. Acknowledge it. Then, to the best of your ability, let it go. Notice how you feel after this. Then take all the
freed-up energy and pour it into your speech or whatever else you need to focus on.
The fight or flight response (stress, anxiety) tends to direct blood away from the newer parts of the brain. We don’t
need them to fight or flee. The brain sandwich along with slow breathing helps blood circulate throughout the entire
brain encouraging calmness and creativity.

But if I do this in front of people, they’ll think I’m weird!
Correct.

But if you are working from home, it doesn’t take much creativity to figure out how to make this work. In addition, if
you practice somewhere away from other people consistently, then when you just take 3 deep slow breaths you will still
get some of the same relaxed focus you get from practicing the full brain sandwich.
Delicious!

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